


Schadenfreude Pie

by heresyourchecksir (irongirl4597)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, Homophobia, Revenge, Revenge through pie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 12:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11714193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irongirl4597/pseuds/heresyourchecksir
Summary: Two news anchors find out what happens if you insult Jack Zimmermann's husband.





	Schadenfreude Pie

**Author's Note:**

> Bitty and Jack Zimmermann belong to Ngozi Ukazu

“What’s this?” Steve asked Mark, poking at the cellophane-wrapped basket sitting on the anchor desk. His co-anchor just shrugged.

“Oh that?” an intern, (Kristian, Steve thinks) said, “That was dropped off this morning for you two. Apparently it’s a gift from the husband of that hockey player you interviewed a few days ago.” 

“Zimmermann?” Mark asked. Kristian nodded.

“There’s a note in there too,” Kristian pointed out.

“Weird. With all the backlash we got on social media I wouldn’t have expected us to get a gift basket from the guy’s husband,” Mark notes, looking at the basket with more interest. Steve hums in agreement. After the interview with Jack Zimmermann was released, the internet exploded, accusing Mark and Steve of making ‘homophobic comments’ that were ‘playing into the heterosexual stereotypes’ and that Mark and Steve should be ‘fired and court martialed’ for saying them. Now, Steve felt that was a little harsh. Was telling Zimmermann he is very attractive but that Steve was very straight a little tactless? Probably. Was implying that Zimmermann could get easily distracted by the other players kind of rude? Potentially. Was comparing his husband to a trophy wife a bad move? More than likely. Still, Steve felt that Bad Bob Zimmermann and Alicia Zimmermann telling him to go to hell was a little over the top. Strangely enough, Zimmermann’s husband had stayed silent through the whole ordeal. But if he’s sending a gift basket, they must not have been too terrible, right? Steve pulled on the black ribbon at the top and pulled the cellophane off. Just as Kristian said, there was a note attached. 

“Dear Mark and Steve, thank you for your comments during Jack’s interview. I hope you find this pie as wonderful as I found your comments. -ERBZ,” Steve read aloud. Mark pulled a dark brown pie out of the basket and placed it on the desk. 

“Hey look, there’s a business card in here too,” Mark said, holding it up to read. “It says it’s from Bitty Bites in Providence.”

“Bitty Bites?” Kristian asked, “Oh my gosh, they have the best pie there!! I went there when I was visiting my aunt and it was a religious experience. Man, if you got a pie from there, you’re super lucky.” 

Steve pulled out two plates, two plastic forks, and a plastic knife from the basket.

“If it’s as good as you say, I want a big slice,” Mark said, taking the knife from Steve and cutting into the pie. Soon enough, Mark and Steve had two heaping slices of the dark brown pie sitting on their plates. 

“You guys should livestream eating it to say thanks,” Kristian suggested brightly. Steve and Mark agreed and had her film them.

“Hey, Mark and Steve here. We just got this delicious looking pie in a thank-you basket from Jack Zimmermann’s husband. It says he got it from Bitty Bites in Providence, and we have it on good authority that Bitty Bites pies are the best there are. So we just wanted to say, thanks Mr. Zimmermann!” Mark said, waving to the camera while Steve put on his best smile. They eagerly dug in, and immediately regretted it.

“It’s… um…” Steve said, struggling to swallow it.

“Bittersweet?” Mark offered, trying to keep his face neutral and failing.

“Very,” Steve gasped, having swallowed the bite.

“I’ve never had anything like it before,” Mark said, his voice strained. Steve spun his finger around, trying to get Kristian to wrap up the video. She ended it, but not before catching both Steve and Mike on film gagging. 

“My girlfriend’s gonna love this,” she whispered to herself as the comments began pouring in.

Ten minutes later, omgcheckplease retweeted the video, with the caption “I see you DID enjoy it as much as I did! #revengeisbestservedbitter”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me on tumblr at [heresyourchecksir](heresyourchecksir.tumblr.com)
> 
> [Cross posted to tumblr](http://heresyourchecksir.tumblr.com/post/163830857970/a-couple-weeks-ago-annechen-melo-mentioned)
> 
> Edit: [Here's where the inspiration for the schadenfreude pie came from](http://whatever.scalzi.com/2006/09/26/how-to-make-a-schadenfreude-pie/)


End file.
